hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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