I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
