He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize