I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
