Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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