No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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