haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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