Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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