If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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