I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
