I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
