Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
