went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
