The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
