she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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