And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
