He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
