Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
