Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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