you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
