you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
