He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
