I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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