I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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