i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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