Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh god it's open bar.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
