On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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