So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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