He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
