If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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