I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
