So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
