he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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