I wish I could punch you in the face.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Two words: blizzard sex
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
