I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
