Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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