i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
