dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
