I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
