The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
