I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Soap is not a condiment
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
