I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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