Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
