i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
