Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
