Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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