You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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