No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
