i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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