Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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