I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
