If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
