sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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