I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
