it wasn't lemon gatorade
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
