when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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