I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
