Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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