I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
