I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
