i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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