I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
