elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
