I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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