it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
