I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
