I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
