he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
