Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
