Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
