The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
