naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
