Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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