no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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