Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
