He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
