did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
